""Blessings Strengthen life and feed life just as water does." Rachel Naomi Remen, MD

This blog is a digital blessing bowl, a place to record the small blessings that are often missed or forgotten but which make life holy. Feel free to add your own blessings to my blessing bowl. Or perhaps you'll be encouraged to start your own.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Marriage - to be made whole

To heal:  to make sound or whole

"You are married. Healing is not a profession but a way of life. Your spouse is not your patient but your flesh. Healing, then, is a task for your heart as well as your head and your hand. "

"Mutuality is accomplished by two whole persons; and if each partner truly intends to be but the fraction of a relationship (thinking my whole makes up half of us) he or she will soon discover that these halves do not fit perfectly together. The mathematics can work only if each subtracts something of himself or herself, shears it off, and lays it aside forever.
        — Walter Wangerin Jr. (As For Me And My House: Crafting Your Marriage To Last)


Forty years ago this Saturday (April 23, 1971),  my whole became a half of a new creation - a marriage.  In fitting my half  to my husband’s I have been healed - made sound and whole in a new way.


As Walter Wangerin says, a marriage only works if the two shear off parts of themselves.  That happens over time, not at the altar, and the healing from it is an ongoing process, “a way of life”.  

In our first year of marriage my mother died. We became parents. My husband went away for 4 ½ months for officer candidate training in the Coast Guard.  It was a beginning that might have been too much for some marriages.  But we clung to each other and promised that after that separation for Coast Guard training we’d never be apart again.
It wasn’t a promise we were able to keep - work and life have separated us physically many times over the years.  But we also know now that the separations that harm a marriage aren’t the physical ones.  The retreat into selfishness, the breech in communication -  these are the separations that harm.  Selfishness is there every day, whether I want to admit it or not.   My attempts at communication often fall short - too many words, no words, the wrong words; a misinterpreted sigh or frown or tone of voice.  Every day my husband forgives and accepts me and loves me despite my faults.  God’s grace helps us heal the wounds we inflict on our marriage and it strengthens our love and commitment to each other.  

My husband is a kind and generous man; a devoted, steadfast and faithful husband, a loving father who continues to set a fine example for his children.   His love has carried me through every difficult moment.  It has multiplied my joy many times over.  It is my greatest blessing.

6 comments:

Donna said...

Happy Anniversary and what a beautiful profound post!! You are both blessed with each other...

Kelly said...

Happy Anniversary, Ginny and Hal. God has truly blessed both of you with each other.

Stacy said...

Happy anniversary, Ginny! What a strong, warm, beautiful view of love and marriage--my parents have the same sort of commitment to one another (54 years so far), and their love is a blessing to everyone who knows them. Best wishes to you both for many more deeply loving years to come.

Emi said...

I love Stacy's comment about the love being a blessing to everyone who knows them! So true about you as well!

FlowerLady said...

What a beautiful heart touching post.

* His love has carried me through every difficult moment. It has multiplied my joy many times over. It is my greatest blessing.*

Thank you and Happy Anniversary to you both.

Hugs ~ FlowerLady

Dianne - Bunny Trails said...

What a beautiful post. It's such a joy to see couples with long-lasting marriages. My parents celebrated their 50th in June and my husband & I had our 25th this week. It seems that lately I'm actually finding a lot of people who have stayed together well beyond the 20-year mark. Congratulations and may you have many more blessed years together.