"Sunny Side Up"

When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses. ~Joyce Brothers

In the issue of Parade Magazine that came with the Sunday paper there is a little quiz entitled "Sunny Side Up" by Colleen Oakley.  One of the most intriguing questions is this:
"Research shows that vacation-goers feel happiest: a) a month before they take off for their destination  b) in the middle of the vacation  c) right after they get back"
It seemed obvious to me that c was not the right answer.  But I had to think a little about a and b.  I thought there should have been another choice:  d) both a and b.
According to the article, the correct answer is a - the happiest part of vacation for many is the anticipation.  Dutch researchers found that "planning a vacation can improve your mood for up to two months before the actual trip".   The question sadly assumes that your vacation isn't likely to live up to your anticipation of it.  My vacations have generally been just as happy as the anticipation, but in a different way - a less fretful, calmer, more relaxing way.

The happiness that comes from anticipation seems to contradict one of the other questions in the quiz:
"True or false?  Optimists are happier than pessimists."  The answer is "false" and the reason is "lowered expectations mean less disappointment in life."   I do believe that having realistic expectations of life and especially of people contributes to happiness.  But I don't think that having realistic expectations makes me a pessimist.

Vacationing at the beach with my family

Back to the first question on happiness and vacations.  Vacationing with family makes me happy - the anticipation of it, the vacation itself, and the memories of it.  Most members of our family - our children and our sisters and brothers, live so far away that a visit usually involves an overnight stay.  When we vacation together what I want most - and the only real expectation I have - is that we enjoy each other's company.  I want us all to be together without expectation of anything greater than loving each other and strengthening the bond that is already there.  It helps that our vacation spots have always been places where relaxation is the primary activity and that we are aware and understanding of each other's idiosyncrasies.  I can't think of a time when the happiness of the anticipation outweighed the happiness of the time together.

The Tarleton siblings and spouses

Last weekend my husband and I spent some time in the mountains with his siblings (two brothers and a sister) and their spouses - the siblings sharing meals and going to bed under the same roof for the first time since the oldest brother left home years ago.  We were all blessed by the time together.  I don't think any of them would say that the anticipation of it made them happier than the actual time together - instead I'd say the happiness began when they realized it was actually going to happen.  The happiness lingers as they anticipate making it an annual event.
And here is the essential happiness ingredient that is not even mentioned in the Parade quiz:  love of family.

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu

Lost and found

When I was grieving the death of our sweet dog Bear last week what I most wanted to do was go out in my garden and work.  I wanted to lose myself in that work - it was the best therapy I could think of.  Because I have a job (for which I'm very thankful) I wasn't able to work in the garden and instead tried to lose myself in my desk work.  It wasn't the same.  It did help me forget for moments at a time but it didn't help me step out of myself and see things differently.  It wasn't the healing balm that gardening is.

Yesterday I wrote on my gardening blog that the garden is a place of solace.  Gardens can be places of healing even for those who don't dig and weed and plant in them.  They can be peaceful places, especially those where the sounds, fragrances, and colors are soothing.  Being in my garden or any beautiful garden gives me that peace but working in my garden does so much more.  It gives me perspective on my place in the world, it gives me a sense of connection, it reminds me that "this too shall pass."  The hard physical labor and resulting sweat have a cleansing effect on my soul.  Gardening lifts me up and out of myself.

I like to think that the pain is carried away a little at a time on the wings of the butterflies.

Long before my days as a gardener I found similar solace in other creative activities - bread baking, sewing, and needlework - and in being a mother, the most creative activity of all.  There's a common thread in all of these - they all involve using the body, especially the hands,  to express something from the heart.  And they all draw you spiritually out of yourself and into the work -  which in turn connects you to the world beyond yourself.  You begin looking outward instead of inward.  Your view of the world shifts.  
In losing myself in this work of the hands and heart I find peace.  And though the pain doesn't disappear,  it is made bearable.

For an earlier post on my gardening blog about handwork, gardening, and creativity go here.